"And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil."
 John 3:19

 

 "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world."
1 John 4:1

Mammy Lou vs.Evolution

 

Selected from material by Dr. Shadduck

THE AUTHOR "GIVES HIS EXPERIENCE."

When I was a boy, I knew (?) more than I do now. I lived in a world of THINGS and accepted my world for what it seemed to be.

My mental equipment passed for knowledge because I made the same mistakes that others did. A counterfeit coin that one thinks is gold, will buy as much as real gold if everyone makes a similar mistake.

Once I 'knew' that solid things are solid and when my teachers told me that even granite was made up of particles in tremendous commotion, they made it easier for me to believe in miracles. Physicists introduced me to a whirling universe and a world of VIBRATION; sound, light, heat, atomic solar systems, everything in ceaseless motion.

When they crumbled my world into molecules, I reasoned that the molecules must be solid and stuck together. When they divided the molecules into atoms and then dissolved the atoms into electrons; smaller than the smallest small things man had before conceived; and these electrons merely whirlwinds of energy, what I had called THINGS turned out too be only the BEHAVIOR of things.

Once I understood (?) time, space, matter, force, gravitation, life, and had hopefully tackled eternity and infinity. After I had been deflated by a philosopher that the world called great, I was willing to know less and let God know more. I offer below some questions like the ones this man asked.

Does time flow past us or do we flow through time? If both flow together, then what is past time or future time? Is the FUTURE a thing, before it is PRESENT; or is the PAST anything after it has gone? Since even a split second is made up of what has not arrived and what has past, what is the PRESENT?

If a thimble filled with space is moved into a room filled with space does the thimble space displace any room space? Does the thimble have the same space before and after being moved?

If what we call matter is only a manifestation of molecules made up of atoms that are the wrapping paper of electrons that are themselves only imprisoned forces, what would matter be, apart from force?

If force is only pulls and pushes, attractions and repulsions, that do business with what we call matter, what would force be in a universe empty of matter?

Is half of eternity as long as eternity? Unless half of eternity is endless, then must not the other half also have an end, and can eternity have ends?

Can there be infinity times infinity times infinity? One can imagine a line infinitely long; then one may multiply it by an infinite number of imaginary lines to the right and left and multiply this multiplied infinity by infinite levels imagined above and below—why not?

After looking through a powerful microscope at unfathomed depths of detail and through a mighty telescope at unmeasured immensity, who are you, to butt your brains into the biography of God to tell Him what He has done or how He did it?

"The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God." The double barreled fool has said in his logic, "God has done nothing contrary to my reason."

Mammy Lou vs. Evolution

or  

RASTUS AUGUSTUS EXPLAINS EVOLUTION

Selected from B. H. SHADDUCK - Copyright 1928

Rastus Augustus, a pompous old man, is the college janitor who "listens in" on the class in biology and is aided and abetted by fun-loving students who delight in teaching him theories which work confusion in the community, and rehearse him in words and phrases quite beyond his reach.

Mammy Lou, the accepted sage among the women and known in the little local church as a "Scriptorian," makes no secret of her scorn for any theory that would put the Bible in eclipse. As occasion demands, she works in the home of one of the professors who, not sharing the views of his colleagues, helps Mammy Lou to defend her faith, much to the discomfort of her mate.

Jeff is a visiting nephew who wonders why his uncle is no longer a worker in the church, and Rastus undertakes an explanation.

A PHILOSOPHY OF BUNGHOLES

Rastus cogitates that "guessing" is not a "pedigogical word" and the Bible is not an "educated book."

"I is an evolutionary, I is."

"Uncle Ras, is you all agin the gov'ment?"

"Most emphatical no! I is agin supe'stition. I is agin Santa Claus stories and snake stories and rib stories foah thousan' years old. Science never make no headway long as she haf to be 'sponsible for ever'thing what the Bible specify.

"Is you turned infidel?"

"That ain't no polite word for no college folks; I is a ‘vestigator."

"Ain't you believe in no God?"

"I ain't deny no God, but he ain't scientifical; he never got hisself differentiated."

"You mean he ain't done been segregated?"

"That ain't no fitten word for no God. 'Pears like the human fambly need a more or less God, but he is just promiscuous like, same like what you call anonymous. The scientifical p'fessors 'low evolution need a God same like a doughnut need a hole. It ain't a sure-nuff doughnut if it got no hole, but the hole never make no doughnut. The Bible ain't no educated book and man ain't originated from no dust. Science cogitate that God never git hisself scientificated cause he is an abstraction.

"Abstracshum? That don't say nothin' to me."

THE LIKENESS OF AN "ABSTRAC"' AND A BUNGHOLE

Mammy Lou gave vent to her pent-up feelings. "He done tol' you, chile; Abstrac' is anything what soon as it gits by itself, it ain't."

"They ain't no sich thing," said the puzzled Jeff.

"Shore they is, continued Mammy. "Ain't they sich a thing as a bunghole?"

"They is."

"And when you take it away from the bar'l, it ain't. I like to know how this Rastus person goin' to get his evolushum started if he ain't got no sure-nuff God.

"As I was about to say," said Rastus, "Scholar men hypothecate that matter and fo'ce git evolution started when they wrassel and wrassel with each other."

"I like to know," said Mammy, "if your scientificators ever 'scover any matter what can stay by itself without fo'ce, and if they ever find any fo'ce what git lonesome and act up all by itself?'

"Madam," said Rastus, with mock politeness, "you is accidentally approximated what no instructified man deny. Matter and fo'ce project around like one is the inside and t'other is the outside of what nobody exactly understand."

"Then these yere matter and fo'ce is same like bungholes; when either one of them go off solitary alone by it self, it ain't."

Rastus was clearly disconcerted, but he elected to treat the interruption as though he had not heard it. "As I was sayin', 'bout a billium years ago, this matter and fo'ce combine [!] in some for-tu-itous way to git life."

"Uncle Ras', is that a abstrac' word?"

"That is an educated word what you can't understand," said Rastus, feeling that he had put his theory over the heads of common critics.

Mammy was not diverted from the track so easily. "This Rastus man start in with two bunghole abstrac's what he say nobody understan', and now he tote in another abstrac' what nobody got to loan. He bow God out one way and the de'bbil out the other and stick bungholes together till he spile his pedigree and bust his religion. When he git his bunghole bar'l together, God and the debbil laugh, 'cause it won't hold anything but embalming fluid and posies in his hand."

Mammy had mixed her metaphors till Jeff did not see she was referring to the logical end of brute progeny.

"Co'se a bunghole bar'l wouldn't hold embalming fluid," said Jeff.

"Your uncle will," said Mammy. "This yere miscellaneous god of hissen didn't say, 'let us make man'; it jest say, 'let us make abstractums and then git excused.' When a human critter is jest seven hops ahead of a toad, in this yere evolutionism, he ain't no fitten vessel for eternal life. Rastus got three abstractums now and every time he tote in another, I 'low to make a tally mark on the stove pipe."

"How come you say I got three abstractions?" asked Rastus.

"Does you 'low life keep on bein' life when it separates from what it live in?"

"Mebby not," said Rastus sheepishly.

"Course not," said Mammy, "it jest same like the letter O; when it git its rim knocked off, it ain't.

Rastus hastened to escape the logic by reducing life to the minimum and fading it into the past so far that criticism could not follow.

"Woman, this life is only a little protoplasm what git alive so long ago, it ain't worth argufying. It ain't 'mount to nothin', 'cause it ain't big enough to make a 'skeeter sneeze if it git snuffed up his nose. It jest a little shadder of something so next to nothin' that the pint of a needle seem same like a ten-acre paster field. It know nothin', see nothin', hear nothin'; it ain't even got a head end and tail end."

"If it got any life, it got more than a mountain and it would bust up evolution to make it now. It take only one word more to say eternal life. 'Pears like you is mighty persnickery 'bout trinity in the Bible, but you 'low they is matter, fo'ce and life in a little proto-spasm and every one of 'em ain't nothin' when it git un-trinified. Resurrection ain't any more miracle than when your hypothecators turn what ain't life into what is life."

"This yere little one-cell feller ain't nothin' atall but a factor," said Rastus.

A STARTER AND STOPPER NECESSARY

"How you goin' to git a factor if you ain't got a factory? How you goin' to git a factory what will make jest one proto-plaster and quit before it makes two? If it make two, it might make plenty."

"Woman, I ain't specify no habit, this yere plasm git alive by accident."

"Bunghole four," said Mammy. "Is accident anything before it happen? Is it anything when the thing what it aim to happen to, ain't there when it git there? Anyhow, if you 'low accidents happen and 'riginate life, you is shore goin' to bust up your evolution, 'cause when you got enough accidents, you got accidental creation."

"They ain't no call to originate no life after you git it started. Evolution cogitate only what it needs. It don't need no miracles and it tolerate only scientific accidents."

"'Pears like you need tame accidents, else some accident runnin' 'round loose might kill your accidental life. Anyhow, how you goin' to stop gittin' accidental life? 'Pears like you need an accident to happen to your accident so that one bunghole fills up the other one afore you git two kinds of ancestors."

EVOLUTION PROGNOSTICATES BACKWARDS

With a pretended disregard for Mammy's remarks, Rastus addressed himself to Jeff. "It ain't no use for science to argufy agin ignorance. This yere life git alive by spontaneous combustion. You, got to have a powerful mikerscope to see it, same like it take a mikerscopic mind to assimilate this yere hypothesis."

"Uncle Ras, has you all seen this hippothemus what is so triflin' that it can't make a skeeter bat his eye?"

"Jefferson Lee, you don't understand educated words. This yere hypothesis is same like prognosticate only it's backwards. When you all prognosticate, you tell what ain't, 'cause it's coming; when you hypothesize, you tell what ain't, 'cause it's gone. When Zeke Jonsing display egg yaller on his vest, his wife hypothesize and say, 'Zeke, you been shootin' craps with strange guys at Slabtown.' How she 'scover this? She know it take money to git eggs. Zeke got no money 'cept he gamble. He don't win 'cept he use loaded bones. Guys what know him 'zamine the bones. They ain't no strange gentlemen in town; hence and whereas, he 'bliged to been over to Slabtown."

"Or in my chicken coop," said Mammy.

""Pears like this yere apothesis is same like guessing," said Jeff.

"Your observation is most 'zasperating. They ain't no word more incorrectly dislikable to evolutionaries. Guessing ain't no pedagogical word. When you all put one lone shot in the ole musket and pint it at a rabbit what am precipitate in his momentum, you 'scovers that they is a heap of places where they ain't no rabbit; but when you puts a han'ful of shot in the musket, then the rabbit 'scovers that they is mighty few places where they ain't no shot. One shot is guessin', and a han'ful is hypothesizing."

"Trouble is," said Mammy, "this yere hypotheneuse ain't no ole musket; it's a double bar'l blunderbust and they don't load shot in it. Rastus, he load one bar'l with like-beget-like and t'other with like-beget-different and wad it with hope-so's and happen-so's and can't-help-its and sets traps of abstrac's and missing links and hobble his rabbit with accidents, so the critter jest pintedly bound to surrender. Co'se they ain't nothin' what depend more on its legs than it does on its brain, goin' to 'scape such like ambushment. But you deliberate this fact—if he 'splode his whole ammunition factory, it can't make a rabbit what is, out of something what ain't, and it can't shoot rabbit into some critter what ain't a rabbit."

Rastus mopped his bald head with his red bandanna and addressed Jeff. "As I was sayin' when interrupted with highly flippant remarks, this little cell git alive, and it ain't nothin' but stomach, and co'se is bound to grow scandlous fast."

"Where it git vittles?"

`"It jest float 'round in the water till it bump up agin other things and jest soak 'em up. Evolution jest need three things, matter, fo'ce and life. No matter how we git 'em, we got 'em and they 'splain evolution."

DOUGHNUT HOLES IN DISGUISE

"Rastus Augustus, you is 'most 'zasperating," said Mammy. "You specify you is got three THINGS and nary one of 'em ever been 'scovered bein' a thing by its own self. You is all perked up 'cause you 'low God is abstracshum, but you ain't signify anything else in your evolushum, and now you try to sneak in some more doughnut holes."

"I ain't narrate any more abstractions."

"When you got your little proto feller alive, how you goin' keep him alive? First off, you 'low he is hungry, but he never find it out less he have an appetite. He have to have instinct to know what is good to eat, else he might eat pizen ivy or something just as worse. After he git hisself full, he bound to die with colic less he have digestion, and digestion do him no good 'less he got creation in him to make what ain't alive and ain't hisself into what is alive and is hisself, same like God made Adam. Then you-all certify he is bound to grow. Now I ask you if hungry and taste good and instinct and digestion is things that hang around waitin' to git in the first proto when it git here? Moreover, you is bound to have starters and stoppers."

"How come stoppers?"

PLAYING FROM A HIDDEN DECK

'"You 'low it bound to grow, and if it keep on growin' it bye in by git so big it make the world lop-sided. You implidate they is a little invisible doodad, git alive all by itself by accident and it 'scovers it is hungry when it know nothin' and it hold a collision with something what know less than nothin' and it jest wrap itself around what is scientifical dinner and it don't make mistakes like humans and its dinner is bigger than its diameter and it don't bust its circumference. This evolushum is same like a crooked card game; Rastus start with two aces what he dealt hisself and then he keep fillin' his hand from a cold deck what he got up his sleeve. Now he got a little invisibility growing and you watch what he dictate next."

Rastus shifted uneasily and resumed: "When this yere little mite git big enough it begin to pucker in the middle and pucker till it pinch itself plum in two. That's how they come to be two."

ADAM-AND-EVE-ISM

"That don't explain how you keep 'em from gettin' too big," said Mammy. "If they keep growin' it ain't make no difference whether they is one or two, they done fill the world up after a while. How they know when to stop growin' and start bustin'? Rastus have to have just as many stoppers as he have starters and first you know, he goin' to plan another accident and git some other critter to eat 'em up so they don't git too multi-numerous. Now Rastus has to have bossism and puckerism and Adam-and-Eve-ism in this invisible mote of gravy before he can git two of 'em."

"I don't participate in your meanin', Aunt Lou" said Jeff.

WHEN SCHOLARSHIP IGNORES THE COMMON HERD

"Rastus can't abide no virgin birth, and he scoff at a piece of Adam growin' into a mate, yet he slip all these doctrines into a little hickey so triflin' that it don't know which end is the other end. This yere little mote of vapor what is so small that enough of 'em to bust up a 'rithmetic can git lost in a smell of noodle soup, can do what Rastus say God can't do with Adam or the mother of Jesus."

Rastus resorted to the oft used plea that scholarship may ignore the common herd. "'Tain't no use to 'spute with 'literate folks what contradic' science. How else we get a population of 'ordial [primordial] germs 'cept they just nacherly dissipate when nature say, 'You is too big to cooperate in one unity'?"

"I been 'specting this nature person to git here mos' any time," said Mammy, as she made an extra long mark on the pipe. "I 'low it's been projectin' round with Uncle Sam and John Bull and the Spirit of '76."

"Ain't nature a sure 'nuff real?" asked Jeff.

"Can you measure or weigh or count it? Can you move it or nail it down or find the middle of it? When you 'scover where' it 'riginate, if you look close, you find the shell outa which Santa Claus hatched."

"Uncle 'Ras, when these little splasms pucker in two, is one the old one, and t'other the young one?"

"'Co'se not, no more as two ends of a tater cut in two: I seed it my own self in a mikerscope what the p'ofessor show us yisterday, and they ain't no 'sputing it."

"Is the ones you seen just pieces of the 'riginal first one?"

"I 'spose they gotta be;" said Rastus, after some confusion.

"Then the first one ain't dead yet," said Mammy, "but Rastus can't swaller Melchizedek stories."

"If they ain't change none in a twillion years, how you 'scover that ever'thing that live come from 'em?"

"As I was sayin', when your aunt start to recite and git me flustered, these protoplasms git so multitudinous many that some 'bliged to starve if they don't git fittings what help 'em swim and fight and swaller, and so some of 'em happen to have a wart or a hair or a wrinkle grow on 'em and now comes the mostest importantest law in evolution--'The fittenest shall survive'. So it come that they is always too many, and the turrible struggle go on, and they get more and more fitten till man git here."

"What come of the ones what don't git no fittings, like you git to see?"

"Pears like they is the only ones that sure nuf survive," said Mammy. Rastus was trapped, and when they laughed at his confusion he left in a huff. As a parting shot, he said,

"You can't understand evolution onless you want to believe it."

FLAGGING UNCLE RASTUS AT EVERY CROSSING

As he tries to explain how "Protoplasters git flixins" and other phases
of the evolutionary hypothesis.

Next day Rastus sought help from the college boys, who rehearsed him in words and phrases calculated to overawe his household. When evening came, Jeff began: "Uncle Ras, when the pro-to-plasters ain't got no fixin's, how do they suddenly git 'em?"

"They ain't no sudden in evolution. It take ages to 'velop fins and wings and legs. At first it's jest a hair or a wart or a wrinkle come on the little bag of jelly, and the little feller wiggle it and it 'velop."

"But he got to have muscle to wiggle it, and nerve and brain to wiggle it systematical, and if he ain't got no eyes or nose, he is jest as like to wiggle into trouble as not."

"If you listen instead of scrutinate ev'ry p'int, I can 'splain it."

Mammy made her contribution: "Co'se all these disfigurements on the little plaster is a great hindrance for a thousand years, but this hypothesis say, 'You gotta put up with it, 'cause you is goin' to need it powerful much some day,' and so they stick to it till accidents git to be a habit, and then they can't quit it."

"It's jest as bad as profanity swearin' for your aunt to make fun of heredity."

"I ain't make fun of heredity. Heredity don't turn snakes into birds like you say. Your first little smiggin' don't inherit nothin', and when the east end break loose from the west end they is still orphans. If when they is two ends they ain't inherit nothin', then they ain't help it any to make four ends. A whisker on one end don't inherit to the other end. This educated foolishment made you drunk in your head."

"They is a law of variation go with heredity."

"You say last week that they is a hundred millium times as many one-cell animals as they is animals big a nuf to see."

"They ain't no scholar man dispute it."

"Then your variegated law tech only one in a hundred millium."

Rastus was in a pinch, and deemed the time opportune to unreel his phrase of "educated words," and stun his too critical wife and nephew.

"The exegesis of this Can [awkward pause] acclamation of ultimate cogitation specify that the cosmos is invested with circumambient laws what interact between the dictates and the dictums."

Jeff's jaw dropped in a reverential way. Mammy was both staggered and disgusted. "When God make the Bible, He don't have to bust a 'rithmetic, beswizzle the almanac, and put the alphabet out of j'int, ' was her comment.

"Nothin' but shaller minds 'spute what nobody don't deny," said Rastus.

"I ain't 'spute no sure nuf laws. One time you hypothefyers let on that laws is things, and 'nother time you act like they is pulls and pushes what make 'emselves without a puller and a pusher. Law is nothin' but words, and if they is real laws they is God's words. Laws is God Almighty's verbs, and nature is jest the habit God has of doin' things. I got it right here in Genesis: 'And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind ... and it was so.' If you got a law of variegation what makes itself and info'ce itself, why don't it git holt of these squidrillions of protomolasses what keep right on bein' protos in spite of all the laws and the asses?"

Even Rastus laughed sheepishly, and answered unwisely: "I 'low it is jest same as some laws: they is some what don't come in the jurisdiction of the co't."

"That is jest the p'int," said Mammy. "When you hypothecators git cornered, you git out an alibi or a change of venue, or limit the jurisprudence of the co't "

"Co'se it is oblivious to mental minds, what is used for intellectual pu'poses, that law can't pick and sort where they ain't any variation."

"Ain't you got variation nuf now?" said Mammy. "You tell Tilly's chillun last week that they is a hundred kinds of telescopic germs what float in the air and sleep in the dirt and swim in the mud, and they is jest watchin' to git in 'em and, raise a rookus like smallpox and scarlet fever. It wonders, what they had for vittles afore man evolute."

"I ain't hol' no contrac' to 'splain ever'thing at once,'" said Rastus. "I jest showing' how they is a one-cell life at one end of this evolution and a—"

"Hopeless grave at the other," finished Mammy Lou.

"I git it 'splained if the bystanders didn't all the time throw every switch and flag me at ever' crossin'."

"Never min', Uncle, please tell us how come man," said Jeff.

"As I was sayin', some of these cells don't teetotal pinch in two, but hang together in a bunch like tapioca puddin', and then comes 'nother great law. They change from homoge [n] eity to heterog [n] eity."

Please, sir, can't you say it in talk-words?"

"Homoge'eity is when they is one cell what is monotounous and all alike. Heteroge'eity is when they is many cells and they is different and 'vide up the work. Same, like a first settler—he live simple and do it: all, and he is a homogee; but when a Iota settlers come to jine him, one say— 'I'll be miller,' and another say—'I'll be blacksmith,' and sech like, and they is heretogees, 'cause they foller different trades. When these cells git in a bunch like grapes, some eat and some digest, and some make the wiggles and some do the thinkin', and some lay the eggs." 

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